“If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes.” — Andrew Carnegie
Many of us think we know what we want, but surprisingly, this is often not the reality. A more accurate description is that ‘we think we know what we want’.
Allocating time and space where you can think deeply enough to delve beneath the surface level thoughts into what you hold much more dear, can reveal amazing discoveries. By giving your thoughts sufficient time and freedom, what you thought were your main priorities, may very likely not be so.
Knowing what you really truly want is vital if you are going to set and pursue goals that will take you to where you need to be. The motivation and resilience to stick with those goals is dependent on how meaningful and purposeful those goals feel on the most difficult days. If the goals are not rooted in what we deeply and authentically truly want, they can so easily be pushed out of focus and lose our attention. This is where we fail and the goal is never achieved.
If you are finding that you struggle to stick to the goals you have set for yourself, it is worth considering that these are not quite the right goals for you. They are not hitting the mark and achieving a state of flow as you pursue the goal will be unobtainable.
Asking yourself some challenging questions that will interrogate what you really want and need must happen first. Getting this right is fundamental if you are going to feel passionate about sticking with the goal irrespective of the challenges and obstacles ahead.
Key Strategy
Schedule a minimum of 30 minutes each day for 5 days at a time when you will be feeling refreshed and energised. Decide on a comfortable space away from distractions where you can be for those 30 minutes. Plan anything else that will make the task feel appealing e.g. you will bring a good cup of coffee. It can also be helpful to give the occasion importance by allocating a fresh new notebook and pen for the ideas and thoughts you will generate.
For 30 minutes, ponder the day’s 2 questions. You will need to write down your thoughts. If your mind wanders, bring it back to the questions. It is important to remain on the questions for the full 30 minutes. It is vital that every time you believe you think you have exhausted your thoughts around the questions, you stay focused on them. Ask yourself ‘what else?’ multiple times This matters because there will be more thoughts deep down which are usually out of sight. They need patience and encouragement to come to the surface. They are often loitering in the subconscious without being recognised or articulated. These thoughts need time to percolate and emerge, but they will often include the detail of what is most significant and meaningful to you.
You will have your own preference of how you capture your thoughts on paper. You may opt for continuous prose, bullet points, spider diagrams, circles so that your thoughts appear like unconnected bubbles upon the page etc.
What matters is that you capture as much as you can about your thinking.
You can then underline, circle, cross out, or use different colours to group or emphasise.
There are always two questions. They are related and will help you make the distinction between the two aspects. Use a different page or piece of paper for each of the day’s questions, but move back and forth between them as your thinking dictates. Just ensure you cover both of them.
Session 1: A) What is most important to me? B) Why am I important to the significant people in my life?
Session 2: A) What do I need? B) What do I want?
Session 4: A) If I woke up tomorrow and my life was perfect, A) what would be giving me meaning and purpose? B) What would I no longer be expending energy on?
Session 5: A) What are the changes that need to happen? B) What are the three things I need to do and when will I do them?
When you have your three goals, share them with someone you feel comfortable with, or better still, someone who will hold you to account. Also, put them where you will see them every day.
When you have completed the goals, go through the process and set three new ones.
A professional coach can take you deep down into your wants and needs. Make It so Coaching provides the support and challenge needed to uncover what is most important to you and where to expend your energy and resources. Pursuing the wrong goals is costly. Investing in a coach so that you can be sure you are on the path you should be on is invaluable.
